How Intuitive Eating Changed my Life and How I Approach Pregnancy

The dieting started as a teenager. Always interested in sports, but having gone through puberty that changed my petite childlike body into one with curves that were unlike many of my sporty teammates, I started to feel conscious of my body. Add in a relative making comments about my newfound weight gain in a negative light, my teammates talking about diets and exercise and finally, boys I liked seeking to choose girls with less curves to date and it was no surprise that I tried my first diet at 17 years old.

I can still remember the excitement of that first diet. Probably because it was the same feeling I would have prior to the other 15+ diets I would try over the next 8 years of my life. The results photos, the preparation, the reviewing of the rules I would have to follow. I was always so dedicated to the way in which I would look and therefore feel at the end. This love affair with diets only lasted in the honeymoon period while I was excited about it all. Soon the restriction, the hunger, the extreme obsession with every piece of food or calorie burnt would become tiresome.. but the results would start setting in and it was all worth it right?

Obviously if this were a diet success story I wouldn’t be telling you about the many diets that came after each successful weight loss. I probably lost and gained the same 15 lbs over and over again and in the process gained more in my rebound stages after a diet. And while this story is not unlike many women’s story in their late teens and early 20’s, my turning point came at a particularly low point where I started to turn to laxatives to enhance my calorie burning and my bingeing got out of control. But how come bingeing? The extreme dieting and rules led me to mistrust myself around food so the minute I had “blown” my diet or eaten something “forbidden”, I would eat large quantities of this “bad” food with the promise to recommit to my diet tomorrow or Monday. This was becoming out of control.

I sought help for my eating disorder through out-patient counselling. It was ineffective. I wanted to change but I wasn’t willing to give up my old ways despite the negative impacts on my health. I spent a few years trying out new counsellors until I finally stumbled upon the concept of intuitive eating through a self help book by Geneen Roth. Always a fan of reading, the words were so poignant that at times I felt that Geneen was speaking directly to me. I cried with the pain of my feelings and how this yo-yo dieting had impacted my life and stolen away joy in so many of my moments. My love affair with personal development and my implementation of intuitive eating began.

I wish I could say it had been an easy process. I was going it alone and I felt unable to seek help out of shame but my determination to heal my relationship with food and exercise pushed me through the tough times. The world of self help and personal development is amazing with its resources but we forget that healing can come from sharing and learning we are not alone. I am proud of the work I did to get to this point on my own but I’m so much happier after I opened up about my struggles a few years ago and joined body positivity and self love groups to connect with others. This has spurred my love of this type of healing and has created a passion for helping others in their journeys through coaching. With the goal of showing others what intuitive eating can do to allow them to nourish their lives.

I’ve just gone this whole blog though without explaining what exactly intuitive eating is which I guess was the whole point of it, but I thought it necessary to explain the obsessive rule-based diet world that I had lived in before so you can see the contrast with the practice of intuitive eating.

Intuitive eating in its simplest form is going back to basics. Before society influenced us as babies, we were intuitive eaters. Watch a newborn or a toddler eat and you can see intuitive eating in action. Eating when hungry, not worried about labels of “good” and “bad” foods but rather eating in its purest form. Trying a variety of foods and determining what they like without numerical values attached or emotions. As an adult it is hard to bypass our judgements and experiences around food, but we CAN ask ourselves what our body truly wants and feels like having. It requires awareness and non-judgement on what that might look like. While food freedom and normalizing all foods is key to intuitive eating, it is important to note that it is not a free for all of eating foods that you previously thought you couldn’t have, but rather a focus on what your body needs and wants to feel nourished physically and emotionally.

Sound daunting? I have to admit it was scary to me. I envisioned myself eating cookies, ice cream and chips non-stop. I definitely had a period where I rebelled and ate all those foods in excess to make up for years of dieting. But eventually, embracing the tenants of “how do I want to feel and what am I really hungry for” that are paramount in intuitive eating, I started to recognize that what I thought I would solely be eating was not really what I wanted. My weight stabilized and I learned to trust my body and it’s innate wisdom. The freedom, confidence and empowerment has spilled into so many other areas of my life and I can truly say that it has made me a happier more fulfilled person who had more time to enjoy her life and pursue her dreams now that the obsession with diets and how all encompassing the reality of following them can be.

In fact, as I enter my 6th month of pregnancy, I can honestly say that intuitive eating has made my experience more rewarding and exciting. I’m at peace with my body and making choices that feel right to me and my baby. A time that could have been focused on the weight gain and fear over what I put into my mouth is instead a time of curiosity and wonderment as I learn about growing this tiny human. I picked a midwife who is ok with my choice to remain off the scale since I know that my choices align with my beliefs and values. I’m creating a pregnancy and soon to be birthing story that is right for me and that is beyond joyous to me.

If you are at all interested in learning more about intuitive eating and how you can apply it to your life, feel free to reach out. I have 30 and 90 day transformation programs guaranteed to start your journey with love and support that I wish I had had earlier on in my journey.

Much love xoxo Jen

Resolve to love yourself more this year!

Ahhh… a new year. I love the freshness and excitement of a new year. It’s like putting new sheets on a bed or wearing a new outfit, something just so exciting about it. And truly, I’m not against the idea of making a resolution or “goals” as I prefer to call them at the beginning of a year. In fact though, I think that goals can be made though at any point in time, on any given day. In fact, what’s more empowering than realizing that you can ALWAYS make a new choice and change your life. Every choice you make is a new chance to honour yourself and who you want to be or become and that doesn’t require a new year, new week or even a new day. Exciting right? But, that’s really not the point of this post so I’ll move on (I get excited really easily!).

So, if you are looking at making some goals and resolutions this year, why not make loving yourself at the top of your list? We focus so much on changing who we are as people in our resolutions that we forget that the best thing we can do for ourselves, others and the world is to love ourselves wholeheartedly. Imagine if we all loved ourselves a little more this year? What kind of world we would live in? Because when we love ourselves many amazing things happen: we smile more, we stand taller, we are happier which makes us more enjoyable to be around and in turn allows us to give more to others in ways that are authentic and not draining, we shine our unique gifts, personalities and talents confidently which provide the world with diversity, creativity and uniqueness, etc etc.

Now I’m not saying that to love yourself, you won’t want to make changes in your life. But think about the changes that will be made when you are acting out of a place of love and not hate? You will strive to make changes that enhance who you are and not change fundamentally who you are to something you think you SHOULD be based on external standards or others ideals. It truly is such an exciting time when we grow ourselves in a loving and kind way. Blossoming into who we are meant to be and not who think we should be.

So, today on this first day of a new year, resolve to love you for you. I know I will be making this my annual mantra along with being unstoppable at shining that me to all endeavours I take on this year! Happy new year!

Until next time, Jen xoxo

This holiday season, you are allowed to eat

The Christmas season is as much about the food as it is about the presents, time off and celebrations. We all have our favourite meals that we associate with the holiday season and that we only get once a year. But this time of year can also be a time fraught with anxiety surrounding that very food and the permission we give ourselves to eat it, especially if we struggle with food and body image issues year round. Let’s be real, those don’t go away over the holidays but often intensify under the exposure, pressure and sometimes difficult family situations we might face.

Enter the mindset we need to take in these situations- permission to eat. As a chronic overexerciser and dieter, I had a difficult time with this concept for so long. Permission to enjoy, relax and eat could only be achieved in a few circumstances: 1) if I had worked off enough calories to “earn” my food, 2) if I made rules and restrictions around how much I “could” have without feeling guilty, 3) if I promised that I would be “better” the next day or Monday or January. Obviously, you can likely tell given these rules what kind of person I was to be around over the holidays. It was a time filled with obsession over food, weight and control that distracted me from fully enjoying moments of my life that I will never get back. With that being said, you do not need to give yourself a set of hoops to jump through to enjoy food this holiday season. In fact, you don’t even need to think about it, but stay in the moment and make choices on what you will enjoy and how you want to feel and savour every moment. These truly are special times in our lives.

One last note, if you have difficult family members or friends who are not used to having you not diet or restrict and make comments about your eating choices, it’s ok to tell them it’s none of their business. People’s observations are often reflections of their own feelings and giving permission to eat may be something they struggle with. Your eating choices are your choices and if you are okay with them, other people should be too. End of story!

So, have yourself the most magical and awe inspiring holiday season filled with memories that will last a lifetime. I know I will. Xoxo Jen

Getting over the green eyed monster and becoming a cheerleader

This is a hard blog post for me to write. It means truly owning up to some emotions that I would rather not talk about. In fact, I would venture that most people would even deny they feel them at all because we all know that it “ain’t easy being Green” as Kermit says. Feeling jealous, comparing and competing all the time does not lend itself to a great emotional state. I’m afraid many of us push aside the fact that we are even feeling it without getting to the source of “why”, so we live our lives without being able to fully be happy with ourselves or for others.

Now don’t get me wrong here, I can’t say that I always felt unhappy. In fact, most people would’ve described me as a pretty positive and happy individual. I’ve had great people surrounding me and I truly did celebrate them when things in their lives were going well. But deep down, in a place I didn’t want to talk about at parties, I was a green eyed monster. Constantly comparing myself to those around me, competing with others and just truly not able to be fully happy stemmed with feelings about myself. My feelings of inadequacy, my dislike of choices I was making but playing victim to and a severe feeling of perfectionism led me to feel “fake” when celebrating others. An underlying bitterness in my own lacking finally led me to start dealing with my own life. What did I need to check myself in? What was I not showing up for myself in? Why did I need to compare and compete?

I’m going to lay it out here…this was freaking tough! Splaying my feelings out and really evaluating them to accept my role in my life, while empowering, made it obvious that I had to change myself. I had to become the creator of my destiny and own up when I wasn’t doing that effectively. I had to look at others and stop comparing or judging but instead love them unconditionally. I had to find my own path and start by loving myself where I was on it and honouring how I got there. It’s taken lots of reflection, personal development and journalling but I feel so much more grounded in “me.” I’m actually proud of the person I am and not afraid to shout that off the rooftops.

I can’t say that I never feel jealousy or that my mind doesn’t want to try and make comparisons, I am human after all. The difference is that rather than following these feelings, I remind myself that I’m on my own unique track and as long as that makes me happy, that’s most important. This has led me to become an eternal cheerleader for others. I LOVE cheering others on in their life choices. Because let’s be real, them succeeding in something will not take away space for me or my accomplishments. There is room for everyone’s brightness to shine and it truly doesn’t dull our shine to have others shining brightly next to us. In fact, I love surrounding myself with other like minded people because that kind of energy is contagious. I’m grateful to be surrounded by that kind of love- the world needs a little more of it.

Until next time xoxo Jen

HOW we do something can be just as important as WHAT we are doing

Ohhhh lightbulb moments 💡 how I love you! 😍 I lived so many of my early years just stumbling along creating habits and then beating myself up for them without really digging deep into why they were created. I don’t look back at this time with shame or anger on wasted years, but rather as the growth needed to get to this point. They say that wisdom comes with age and while I believe there is an element of “growing up” that helps, age is not the whole factor. Experiences shape us. The willingness and openness to create awareness and work through our experiences to find greater meaning is not always tied to age, but often opportunity and mindset. So, let’s dig really deep here, are you game? (I hope so since you clicked to get to this blog 😉)

After my brief stint with treatment for my eating disorder in my early 20s, I felt completely lost. Treatment focused so much on WHAT I was eating and trying to get me on a normal eating schedule that I didn’t feel the connection to it. The idea was if I just ate filling foods spaced out over regular intervals over the day then I wouldn’t feel the need to binge. Honestly, I’m not really sure if I gave the whole thing a chance at the time (mindset!) but it just seemed so counterintuitive and similar to the food rules that I had already been following.

It wasn’t until I picked up a book on Intuitive Eating that my world changed. It has taken me over 10 years of learning, countless books read on the subject, a few podcasts (a new thing of mine) and my most recent health coach training to realize that HOW I was eating and exercising was more important than WHAT I was doing or putting in my body. Let me explain what I mean.

Think about this for a moment? Imagine you are eating your favourite “treat” food. The thing you look forward to most in the world. Are you drooling yet? Now in scenario 1, you are watching tv, exhausted after a long day and shoving it into your mouth. You are not paying attention to it and you look down at your plate and notice it’s all gone. What happened you think? I better get some more and repeat the same process? Now, in scenario 2, you are sitting by candlelight with a loved one. Some nice music is on and you are eating the food. You swirl the food in your mouth and taste the flavour bursts. You put your fork down and enjoy the conversation with your loved one. The experience takes a while and the food on your plate spans most of the conversation. What sounds more fulfilling?

I get it. It’s hard to create the second option in our fast paced busy lives. But it’s not an either/or scenario. Don’t we deserve to move our dining experiences closer to option 2 more often? Putting down our fork a few times, chewing more, putting away phones and getting away from the tv. I learned that I lived a lot of my life feeling super guilty for taking time for me. If I wasn’t being productive or perfect, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Fast paced and busy was my M.O. and food helped me procrastinate when I felt overwhelmed or unsure what to do (so eating filled in the time). Add in rigidity, perfectionism and a focus on obsession about weight loss and numbers and it truly didn’t make me a good person to be around.

The same goes for exercise. Perfect workout plans, hardcore classes (if I wasn’t breaking a sweat than why bother?), competition. This focus on performance and perfection (and obsession with numbers- calories, points, steps) that often led me to deny my body the gentle practices that would serve my body more like rest days or yoga. Many days my feeling was one of “I don’t want to do it” or “I have to do it” instead of my more recent and exciting attitude of “I get to move my body!” Tapping into things I enjoy and focusing on what I love about movement and an enjoyment of those movements has brought a more balanced HOW focus that aligns more with fun for me.

And of course, the spillover of these behaviours to my real world just brings it all full circle. An inability to slow down. FOMO feelings, people pleasing and a fear of never having enough. Inflexibility in my plans and dealings with others affected my relationships negatively. Slowing down, gratitude practices, and recognizing that I can honour myself while still giving to others has made me a much happier and fulfilled person. It’s not to say that I don’t experience these feelings anymore, but I am more readily able to nip them in the bud and move on to enjoy my day..and let’s be real, my life a lot more.

So, HOW are you doing the things in your life? Reassess and check in with yourself to see if you can shift that needle a bit more towards enjoyment and fulfillment. Put the WHAT on more equal footing with the HOW and see what happens. Please share anything that happens- I love to hear from you.

Until next time xoxo Jen

Connection is the key

I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately on life and what we can do to more present and happy in it. As I’ve taken the leap into pursuing a passion of mine to build a wellness practice to share my love of intuitive eating and exercise practices, I know the cure to much of what ails is as people and societies. We are in a time where we should feel more connected than ever through social media and technology that have seemingly made our lives easier. And yet, we often feel very disconnected- from ourselves, others, purpose, and our goals? And why is that?

I recently posted some resources to help others get more support in intuitive eating and exercise and yet I know that very few will take the leap to implementing those changes. Not for lack of interest, but mostly because we are bombarded with information daily it’s hard to commit to anything. We feel so overwhelmed with all the information and the need to do so much, that it’s hard to take the time to sift through it all and figure out what we can connect to.

Then add in that we are passively connecting to communities or activities that don’t provide us with opportunities to build connections. So many of us are using social media in ways that make us feel connected to others because we are seeing their lives, but not taking the time to truly connect. Sending a message, liking a post, following up with a text or phone call. These all seem like effort that we don’t need to take and yet they are the things we should be doing to cement our connections and make others feel connected to us.

And if that weren’t enough, we are all so tired from trying to stay “connected”, that we often don’t have the energy to connect to ourselves- our needs, wants, interests, passions and joys. To do so would add extra “work” into days filled with the work of holding it all together, so we often turn to activities that are easy and seem fulfilling. Netflix, video games, zoning out with drugs or alcohol, all provide us with ways to disconnect from the stress of our lives without feeding our souls.

How do we change this? The answer is going to be different for everyone but looking at our lives, habits and patterns and asking ourselves if they align with what we truly desire. And if an area feels disconnected, start chipping away at it one small step at a time. For example, you don’t have to go from scrolling mindlessly on Facebook to commenting on every post, but maybe comment or like a few posts every time you go on. Feeling disconnected with your body, do one thing that makes you feel more in tune with yourself (move your body in a way you enjoy, eat something that makes you feel good about you, wear something that makes you feel your best).

We all want to feel connected to someone or something. There are so many options, tools and people out there to help and explore. Let’s start making a more active effort to find the ones that help us connect a little more and use them to live happier, fuller and more connected lives.

I need a hero!

As the lyrics of the song “I need a hero” plays on my Spotify playlist, I reflect upon the ideology that we wait for a hero to save us. I am a hopeless romantic, obsessed with the formulaic girl meets boy storyline where they live happily after. I’m sure if I asked my parents, they would tell me that fairytales where the hero comes and saves the girl and sweeps her off her feet would’ve been my fave story growing up. I have absolutely no issue with these types of stories, because let’s be real, I am a mush when it comes to love stories and it really doesn’t matter what that story is about. But I do want to tell you that, in my own life, waiting for a hero has never worked for me and I know why- it’s more satisfying to be my own hero.

We all want to buy into the idea that there is some magical, outer worldly fix to happiness and success. The world of advertising would have us think that it can be bought at a store. We want to think we can attain it through something or someone else. “If only” becomes our mantra and when our hero (person or thing) comes to save us, then we will be happy. It seems so easy buying into this because we can come up with many excuses on why the stars haven’t aligned to bring us the exact set of circumstances as to why our hero hasn’t arrived.

I once heard the quote “happiness is an inside job” and truly wasn’t ready to accept that. And even still, after showing up for myself day in and day out in spite of obstacles and setbacks, I still turn to others and outside things to try and make me happy. That’s when we have to question why we are doing it? Do we mistrust ourselves? Do we not believe that we can rise up and be our own hero? I have to admit that being my own hero has been hard. It means questioning my actions and asking if they fit my core beliefs and doing hard work when something doesn’t. It means recognizing that every choice I make has impacts and only I can change the choices or my reactions to them. It can be exhausting and make me just want to hide under the covers when things get tough. Our brains are hardwired to protect us. Fight or flight and when things get hard, it will be easier to take the flight option. In these times, we have to trust our paths and rise up and keep being brave. Fight for what we want and believe in. It will be hard at first but every time we choose to stand and fight for ourselves, for who we are and what we stand for, our hero gets stronger. The self confidence that is gained and the clarity that is felt just impacts our lives in such amazing ways.

So the next time you notice yourself retreating in that fight and looking for someone or something else to save you, get your battle gear ready (I’m partial to crowns but that’s just me 😉) and keep fighting. You deserve to be your own hero and the world will thank you for it.

Until next time xoxo Jen

Self care Saturday…say what?

As I sit here sipping my morning tea, a ritual I enjoy as part of a very layered approach to self care, I thought I would weigh in on the self care movement and what I think it should look a little bit more like.

I’ve heard (and used myself) the term Self Care Sunday. The title of this blog post in itself is a little tongue in cheek reference to the use of it. I think it’s amazing that we are starting to develop our idea of taking care of ourselves. We truly can’t serve from empty cups, but I think by labelling it as a “Sunday” thing is not truly the answer. Now some may argue that it isn’t just a Sunday thing but that on Sundays we should make a point to focus on our self care, but I truly believe that’s similar to giving ourselves a cheat day in dieting. If we think that we should feel guilty for honouring our need for self care another day of the week, we aren’t able to truly honour our needs in the present moment. So, let’s make it a self care year/life/practice and find ways to build in self care when we need it. It might not be a full day of self care (and if you are a busy momma, I’m sure it would be harder to do that anyways), but even a small action like having a tea or a coffee and fully enjoying that moment can make a huge difference in your state of mind.

To my next point, self care has really been given the reputation of being about spa days and treatments, decadent meals, weekend getaways, etc. I don’t think that self care can’t be that, but it truly is sooo much more than that. In fact, the phrase itself implies taking care of oneself. And how should we do that? Truthbomb- by taking care of ourselves. This means showing up for ourself and doing what needs to get done to live happy lives. Moving our bodies in ways that feel good, eating food that makes us feel energetic and happy, getting sleep when we can and doing the things we need to do to not feel anxious. It means letting go of perfection and anxiety that leave us turning to food, alcohol, Netflix binges, etc etc to cope. It also means being kind to ourselves when we are struggling to do one of these things and keep on keeping on. Again, I know that it’s easy to make excuses for not taking care of oneself, but we need to start saying “I don’t prioritize that” instead of “I don’t have time for that” and if that feels uncomfortable applying to something in our lives, start finding a way to make it a priority. I know you can do it!

So, until next time, enjoy showing up for yourself and taking care of you, because it is the only one of you there is! Xoxo Jen

A kind word is never wasted..especially when it’s directed at ourselves

It’s been an interesting month for me. I came home from England at the end of July and have been on the injured list ever since. First, I had tendinitis in my right shin and then I hurt my back and have been experiencing pain in my hips. At the same time as this has been happening, I got married to my best friend, went on a honeymoon, started my 14th year of teaching, launched my Intuitive Eating and Exercise Facebook and Instagram accounts and signed up for training to become certified in facilitating Intuitive Exercise workshops and programs to others.

I have to admit that there have been times in the past month where I have felt frustrated, down in the dumps and disconnected from who I am, and upset by my lack of mobility. The interesting thing though that I have learned about myself is the way in which I have handled these setbacks is so much different than in the past. In my classroom, I have a sticker on my door that reads “a kind word is never wasted.” I think that we often take this as kind words directed towards others and yet, I think that we often discount that these kind words should also be directed at ourselves just as often as at others.

We are often so hard on ourselves. We get upset and frustrated at ourselves for choices we make or outcomes we think should be in our control (even when some of these things aren’t in our control at all, but we think they should be). We abuse ourselves with our words and our thoughts and make harsh rules and expectations about how we think we should be acting or feeling. But what if we changed these expectations and self talk? If we started to hear those thoughts forming and instead of listening to it as truth, respond with love.

For example, I don’t feel as if I would’ve been as happy and accomplished as much as I have over the past month without working on this. Instead of hating my body for not being able to do what I would like, I have been gentle with her. When my mind goes in the direction of frustration for not being able to do what I want, I instead respond as lovingly as I can. Getting massages, going to physio, moving my body gently through yoga and Pilates, reminding myself that while it might not look like what I want it to, it’s all part of my life and I love it and me. We only get this one chance to be on this earth and spending it hating on ourselves for who we think we should be instead of loving ourselves for who we are is such a sad way to live. The next time you find yourself responding to yourself with hate or in an unkind way, try and change the conversation. Feel free to let me know how that goes!

Until next time Jen xoxo

Be relentless in the pursuit of your passions!

So, it’s been a while since I posted here and it’s totally been in the back of my mind. I get married in 9 days and it has been busy getting ready for it BUT that does not mean that I have stopped pursuing my passions.

Getting married is one day and I’m excited to celebrate the passion I have for a relationship I’ve built with my man, but I have other passions too.

It may have seemed like I went a bit quiet but that’s only because I’ve been setting things up to continue to do the work that I know I’m meant to do. When I became passionate about myself and my personal development, I knew that I had to share this with others. Recovering from my eating disorder has been one of the biggest triumphs of my life and I’m so proud of the person I’ve become. So without further ado, here’s what I’ve been chipping away at:

– I started a book! Yep, I’ve only written an intro to it, but I’m super excited about the content. I am going to self publish it with the help of a contact I’ve made

– I am creating a page on Intuitive Eating and Exercise to educate others on the freedom that can be felt when our lives are not obsessed with food and exercise

– I’ve reached out to organizations to start a workshop series on self love and intuitive eating and exercise. It might start small and might take a while to garner interest and money but we have to start somewhere

– I’m creating a wellness Wednesday club at school to introduce wellness concepts to students. I’ve also reached out to a colleague to start an anxiety management program and potentially partner with our phys ed department to offer health at every size programming from the local eating disorders group.

– I went to London to celebrate me! The self love summit was inspiring and amazing. I learned so much from the speakers and have learned how far I’ve come.

All this action didn’t happen overnight. There will be snags in the road and I know it won’t be easy. But when we are passionate about something, we can move mountains. It might seem overwhelming to try and effect change but small aligned actions that we make every day can sometimes be bigger than big action and definitely more than none at all!

Thanks to everyone for all of your support and for reading. This blog will be shared on my new intuitive eating page when it launches September 1st. Hope you will follow me there! Xoxo